‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, Hotel Edition


Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the hotel,
Things ran like clockwork for all guests could tell,.
The kitchen was closing and breakfast was prepped,
And all floors were silent as travelers slept.

The manager nestled all snug in his bed,
While holiday profits danced in his head.
The night clerk completed the last guest request,
With hopes that the stillness foreshadowed a rest.

When up on the third floor arose such a clatter,
She sprang from her seat to see what was the matter.
Away to the phone she flew like a flash,
Lines were all ringing and she heard a big crash.

A sleepwalker, au naturale in the lobby,
And the guest on the phone was borderline sobby.
The toilet was clogged and the shower was leaking,
And TripAdvisor lit up with people critiquing.

A man strode in and requested a bed,
At the “no vacancy” sign, his face turned quite red.
“I’m a loyalty member, you should be ashamed!
I’m best friends with the owner!” and called him by name.

Now elevator! Now ice machine! Now thermostats and power!
From Wi-Fi to TVs, and  toilets to showers!
From the top of the porch to the top of the wall,
Everything was broken! Dash away all!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the third floor the front desk clerk flew,
With a bag full of tools and a mobile phone, too.

A robe for the sleepwalker, led him back to his door,
She fixed up the shower and mopped up the floor.
She called the wireless company and repair they did vow,
“They’re getting restless, we need Internet NOW!”

She called in a plumber and the maintenance crew,
She called heat and air and the cable guy, too.
The sobbing guest was calmed with a discounted stay,
And the poor front desk clerk thought of running away.

“I can do this,” she thought, and her shoulders she squared,
“I’m a front desk agent and I am not scared!”
She marched back down to the lobby to see,
The owner’s “best friend” and his whole family.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he yelled, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was clenching his cell phone and pacing like crazy,
He said, “You can find me a room, you’re just lazy!”
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
She called other hotels till she found him a bed.

By this time the sun was beginning to dawn,
As the manager walked in through the door with a yawn.
He took note of the workers and high guest reviews,
He asked the night clerk to tell him the news.

“How did you do it?” He asked, shaking his head.
“Just a typical shift for a night clerk,” she said.
But I heard her exclaim, ‘ere she drove out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”